The following are a few raw, honest, unedited (by me) thoughts from my 12-year-old daughter Gracie. She’s a naturally social person, and has experienced phases of painful loneliness while living on the road that at times have had her and me both in tears.
There’s a lot of good advice out there for parents, by parents, but I was so excited when Gracie agreed to share her firsthand perspective on loneliness as a fulltiming tween, and some of the tips and tricks that she’s found helpful.
Fulltiming is an amazing adventure that any kid feels privileged to be a part of. But sometimes, it can be a little lonely- especially if you have have a lot of trouble making friends in the first place. Family and friends are rarely nearby (if they’re not all the way across the county) and it can be extremely hard to know exactly how to deal with your loneliness.
Different things work for everyone, and every fulltime family has a different way they do things. But here are some of the best ways for trying to counter your loneliness.
Siblings Make Great Friends
One thing you can do is make your siblings (if you have any) your friends!
Brothers and sisters are gifts…wonderful for playing and exploring, talking and imagining.
While sometimes it can feel like your sibling and you are opposites…there isn’t a single thing you have in common, their interests differ so greatly from your own…well, that’s the way it is with practically anyone.
While you might find a friend who seems like your clone, it’s unusual to be that fortunate, and so it’s important not to give up on your siblings just because they like football or only want to play dolls.
You can give their favorite pastimes a try- even if you already know from personal experience that you don’t like it- and hope that you both can find something perfect to do together!
What movies do you both like? Can you play that? What games? What are your favorite toys?
Pen Pals
Another option is asking a good friend or special family member to be your pen pal.
“Pen pal” just means you’re asking them to have an ongoing correspondence through letter-writing. While some kids have email as an option, screens aren’t always the best choice; not only is it truly unhealthy to spend long periods of time on a device, even if you’re chatting, but it’s very different from talking in person with others.
And, even though complications can quickly multiply after you first begin (one challenge is mailing a letter when one of [or both of] you are traveling from place to place), it’s far more meaningful and exciting to get a letter addressed to you and to hear about their life in their own handwriting- without any assistance from autocorrect- than it is to get a notification that they “replied” and are “on”.
However, letters can always be lost during shipping, so it’s always a good idea to keep in mind what you said in your letter, take a picture, or copy it down. Besides, if their answer is a long time coming, it’s nice to be able to check back and see what questions they’re answering!
Letter-writing is a necessary skill in life, so the practice will serve you well as an adult anyway!
My friend and her little brother have been consistent pen pals with me and mine ever since we met in South Dakota, in October 2021- and both of our families fulltime, making mailing a tough job!
Sometimes it’s a lot of work to have a pen pal, but it’s usually worth it. If you don’t already have one, a traveler’s mailbox may be worth some consideration…or, just a willing family member who is happy to receive your mail and send you a picture of the letter on your parent’s device, or mail it to you themselves if your friend is having trouble with it. There are lots of possibilities involved for fulltimers, and working out a solution isn’t impossible.
Make Friends Along the Way
If you need in-person friends, there is always the possibility of making them everywhere you go. It can be hard to find kids you “really click with”, but if you start with the kids in the next site over or at the playground, and keep going, you will find real friends, sooner or later!
They may not be a lot like you, but it’s good to at least have someone to hang out with for as long as you’re both at the campground…besides, if you became really good friends, sometimes you can meet up at another place (either a coincidence, or the result of hard, careful planning on your parent’s part!)
One of many random things that have happened to us; my brother pet the same dog multiple times, once in Cultus Lake Thousand Trails, Canada, and a few times in various places in California!
Use Your Imagination
Last resort: if all else fails, you can use your imagination. Make up your own secret friends, name them, decide what they look like…or leave it blank! It doesn’t matter.
You can make them realistic and normal, like my brother’s “Derek”, or more creative and irregular, like his “Croaky” and “Crocs”!
Besides, you can always choose what they say- an advantage you don’t have with real people- and, you can always pick what happens.
You could even reread your favorite stories and imagine yourself in the world or in a character’s place…rewrite the original author’s story with you in it…or write your own, about you, someone else (although, be careful who it is, because not everyone takes too kindly to having a story written about them), or someone you invent.
The options for imaginary friends are boundless and easy!
It’s always good to remember that there are others your age who need friends…and also, that people who are not your age can be just as fun as others!
Sometimes it doesn’t seem like a very fun thing to go out and ask random kids to play with you- especially if you aren’t sure whether they’re mean or not. But it’s usually at least worth a shot, and you never know! The friend I mentioned earlier was two years older than I was. And I wasn’t even sure if she would even want to play with me! But she is very important to me, even three years later, though I’ve only seen her once since then!
Friendship is an amazing gift, and it’s only natural for fulltimers to feel lonely when they don’t have a group of kids to play with.
Any kid you see could be disagreeable. But they could also be your best friend!
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